Another short blog post.
I'm really tired and therefore nothing I say is going to be particularly long or thought out. sometimes i find I'm basically drowing in everything I have to deal with day to day.
I went out for dinner with friends last night. Being with non-work-related friends only reinforces for me the feeling that i really am struggling to work out a way through the mounting pressure in the office. my friends are so care-free, of course they have their own issues, but they actually stopped me 'mid-rant' and asked me 'where have you actually gone, mate? who is this... crazy person?'
i've realised that before, maybe when i first got the promotion, of course i was a little overwhelmed and maybe a bit stressed, but it's not until you're back at home, sitting with someone as near to you as a family member or best friend, that you can really feel it. i will literally buzz until about 9 o clock at night and last night that got passed over into gibbering away long past midnight.
it's times like these when i really need people around me who can see me for what i really am. i'm not a 'career woman', i just like to feel happy in my work. and i'll push for that happiness via success. if i'm not happy, i feel i'm not successful, or i've done something i didn't believe in. right now, that's what's happening. it's possible i'm not doing such a bad job of it all, but seeing as it's not making me particularly happy on a daily basis, i fail to see the point in doing it.
it's always the people who i allow to stand on the 'touch line' of my experiences who i get the most out of, and put the most into. anyone who tries to run into the middle of my life and alter things for me is never really going to get anywhere with me. 'here's what you should do...' is one of my least loved phrases. i much prefer 'i know what you mean'.
x
