Hello everyone

I have reached the end of the week. On Tuesday evening I found myself seriously wondering whether I would end the working week at work, or tucked up in bed suffering from some kinda 'post traumatic' stress disorder brought on by everything suddenly getting a little 'too serious'.
What frustrated me so much and made me so upset on Tuesday was that horrible 'do you actually think i CARE about this?' feeling which I'm sure a lot of people my age get when they are at their 9 to 5 missing being a student.

And I do miss that time so much.

It might also be because I cleared my room out last weekend and discovered our old university house's 'wall of quotes' which is a selection of pieces of paper stuck together which we kept in order to quickly write down funny things that got said or brought up around the dinner table. one of us would leap up, in hysterics, and write it down, so that visiting mates could check it out. it was like living in a constantly growing, constantly recorded, memory.

Some examples I thought I'd write below:

'so what do you think about violent sex and eroticism?'
'i er... need the toilet'

'i need to incorporate that ceramic frog into my dream life'

'do you know what's real? the salami could be talking to the cheese right now.'

'could you just run out and check i haven't dropped quality street all over the road?'

---

ah, the list goes on.

So, it was pretty obvious on Tuesday night that I either needed to grow a few inches and steam roll over a few people, or wither away into a smaller ball than the one i was already crawling into. so, i went for the first option. i tend to always go for the more difficult option of the two, if faced with two options. funnily enough, the first thing a friend said to me last night when i walked in was 'have you got taller?' and i almost said 'kinda', because i did feel much more like myself towards the end of this week.

It's funny how I seem to have moments of feeling like myself, and then feeling like i'm dwelling in someone else's life. i have moments of feeling like i utterly don't belong or believe in something, and then i think 'i'm on fire, i'm taking these people DOWN!'
and then i have moments when i don't really need to think about anything. when i can just breath out, and relax. and it's moments like that when i can really feel a sense of steadiness starting to creep in. i think i need a bit more steadiness generally. perhaps i need to rush about less and do more things that i can genuinely give my time to and at the same time really appreciate.