evening all

I sent myself home from work today and actually got a lot more done than i could have if i was in the office. sometimes being there is like being lost in a forest where the trees trip you up and you can't see where you are going. that would be first on my list of thoughts for tonight.

the second is this:
again, i found it in a poem - it's just a few lines, but very good:

we don't fall in love: it rises through us
the way that certain music does-
whether a symphony or ballad-
and it is sepia-coloured,
like tea that stains as it creeps up
the tiny tube-like gaps inside
a cube of sugar lying in a cup.

the third thought is below:

fear of disappointing those you care about is worse than disappointing yourself. or perhaps i shouldn't generalise, just because it is worse for me. for me, if i'd failed an exam when i was studying, i would have dreaded those phone calls home more than the impact it could have had on my degree. whenever faced with a big life-decision, it's always the people it will affect that matter the most to you, their thoughts and feelings. if you're like me, you'd give anything not to upset a person. maybe it's that desperate need that humans have to be liked.

of course, there are plenty of people out there thinking 'well, i'm not like that', but underneath all of that bravado people have, fundamentally we all want others to like us, even to love us. we might pretend we're 'not bothered' by what people think of us, but of course we are even if being headstrong is one of our strong-points.
again, maybe i shouldn't generalise because it's what i'm like, but there it is in black and white and i guess i'll have to see how many people would agree.

thought four:

my whole body aches from flu.
it's even reached my arms and legs.
and i have 5 hours of meetings tomorrow where i am required to be insightful, inspirational even.
how the hell do people get sick and carry on doing those essential jobs out there, like saving lives?

thought five:
i bought a flat screen telly at the weekend which would all be well and good if i could get the bastard to show me a decent picture. i'm starting to watch only dvds. but being ill really brings home to you the fact that you might feel a little lonely.

that's all for now. hope you enjoyed it. whatever number thought might interest you, that is.