It's saturday...
Huge
Sigh
of
relief...
and I'm FINALLY beginning to feel quite excited about my trip to the US of A in January. It's really happening, because I've even just booked my hotel for the way there and the way back. I'll be going round New York, Boston, Niagra, Toronto, Montreal... and I can't wait. I've started looking at maps, thinking about sights to see, making a list of outrageously expensive clothes I need... and i've bought myself some floofy boots coz it's gonna be FREEZING.
I think i'm most excited about the new york end of the trip, coz i've got about 4 days there in total and i'm going stay in 'sex and the city' land and trawl around macys with a huge grin on my face.
All of this excitement brings me to the subject of 'deserving', which I think is quite interesting. I know for a fact that I totally deserve my little trip into the unknown. I deserve to stand in the moma and look at the monet with big wide eyes. this is something i'm doing FOR ME and purely for me. I had a little crisis of thinking on the subject about a month ago, when i thought 'but if i don't have anyone to share it with...' but at least this way i won't have to compromise. if i want to stand in front of that monet for 20 minutes of just looking at it, then dammit, i will.
however, i think a lot of people in this life hardly ever pay themselves their own dues. by 'paying urself ur own dues' i also mean 'working yourself out of a dark patch'. Fair enough, i fall into dark patches the entire time. one day i'm zappy, one day i'm almost completely obliterated. the 'hang on a minute, i can deal with this button' can only be pushed by yourself, but the pushing of it can be triggered by people who care for you. sometimes a friend telling me 'this isn't like you' is enough to trigger that thought, that 'i've got to do something about this' thought. maybe it's hope, maybe it's a tiny fire in my belly somewhere, but it's there, and it doesn't go out. but there are some people who, as far as i can tell, lack the personal motivation to think 'hang on a moment, i don't deserve this, i deserve better', and get their arses into gear on making changes.
ah yes, change, my FAVOURITE blog topic. let's not go over that again. 
