Hello everyone
A sudden thought occured to me on the drive home (I do all my thinking in the car, music blaring).
I expect too much from my friends. People have told me this in the past but I have been unwilling to see myself as the kind of person who needs people. It's obvious tho, I do need people pretty badly at the moment and I keep myself at such a high level of 'I'm here, I'm here, I'm here' that if someone even takes a pigeon step out of line, I feel tremendously let down. My friend Kate is a huge advocate of this theory and always used to tell me when we were at University. 'Your problem is, you operate all your friendships on such a high, intense level, and most people... they just don't.'
She's completely right.
But it doesn't really stop me feeling rubbish about it.
I suppose the more I need my friends to say and do the right things, the more selfish I become, and the more guilty I feel about that selfishness. But I do need them now more than ever. It will be a difficult christmas without them.
2007-12-12 @ 20:00