hello all
i thought that i probably wouldn't blog for a while. too much on my plate. work really gets to me. but then i think if i can't blog about it, what can i do?
it's only tuesday and already i need the week to be over. i need to lie low, put the duvet cover over my head and turn the music up. it's like getting half way up everest day after day after day, and then sliding steadily down again while you sleep. or don't sleep, if you're anything like me.
the worst thing about the work pressure has to be the way it affects my interactions with those i care about. sometimes i just open and close my mouth and no words come out. i avoid returning calls. i rarely seem to reply to personal emails. i just don't want to start an email or a phone call with 'well, this is happening at work'. a friend said to me today, it's just a job, and i know i have friends in much worse positions than i am.
it's a vicious circle really. the more i worry about work, the more i need my friends. the more i need my friends, the more i worry that i'm acting bizarrely or irrationally, or that perhaps i need them to unnatural levels and nobody else obsesses as much as i do, gives as much as i give or takes as much as i take. there doesn't seem to be a way out. a good way to kill the pressure, or some of it, is to halve it. give half of it to someone else. but if i ever let people know the sorts of decisions i was facing i think i'd worry them more than if i don't.
what can't be cured must be endured, i guess.
