regrets

i suppose i flinched
when i found out the truth
flinched just a little
but thought
'i always knew'
you've never made it a secret
it was your every, other word,
for all this time.
yet it was the one thing you never said.

then as i was driving away
in the rain
it just swept itself up in me
all over again, and i thought
'i always knew'
what you were doing to me
but how could i ever admit it
i couldn't even let myself
pronounce the words.

instructions:
leave the past in the past
where it belongs

but the gentle trickle
keeps on coming back
and the doubts emerge
stronger than ever,
mixed up with the grit,
staining the windscreen.

i know now
i should never have let you in.

one wipe-
gone forever.

x