Hello all

The funeral was pretty much what I expected. I thought I'd hold it together initially, but I was in tears mainly at the poignancy of the whole thing. It was like I was watching a film, particularly when my Dad spoke towards the end. It's still hard to believe a piece has been taken out of my family.

Someone mentioned family to me today and it occurs to me that family can mean different things to different people. My extended family consists of the people who I have grown up with and refer to as family when biologically I'm no more linked to them as I'm linked to a stranger on the bus. I think my whole extended family feels like a huge part of us all has gone. Even at the wake someone turned to me and said 'am I the only one expecting him to walk in?'

This was read out at the funeral and I think I should put it here otherwise in a few weeks time I might be wondering about the words.

You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

---
From my own point of view, he was one of those completely solid people. The first person you'd think of when you needed a 'favour' or practical help. He was one of those quiet stars that just simply gets on with things.

My whole family will miss him bitterly but I hope it won't be too long before it's not the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing at night.

-x-