Hello

I've been doing a lot more 'staying put' than before in the last couple of weeks. I've moved house and the new place is a lot nicer. It makes me more inclined just to 'veg' on the sofa or in the garden. I have housemates who don't behave like maniacs (so far), although I don't know how they could with the hours they work, and I have neighbours who I can chat to, and several fat-looking friendly cats who creep into the lounge when the back door is open and settle down with me and my marmite on toast. I also have dave, who makes me happier than I've been in about 5 years. I had a thought the other day that he makes me happier than I've EVER been but then I realised that's not the case, it's a happiness I could probably best compare to that happiness you have as a kid which you don't appreciate because you have no sadness to compare it to. So, I've come to the decision that i'm happier than I've ever been as an adult.

He has a good balance in his personality. he is capable of being crazy but also of calming me right down. we're both a bit of a mish-mash i suppose. we both like the same things and think in the same ways about a lot of things, but then we disagree on some fundamentals, like religion and music. the whole thing seems to work very well.

He makes me think about things which aren't all that unpleasant to think about too. It's lovely to imagine some sort of future with someone, and experience things with someone. Although I love spending time with my friends and my folks, it makes a huge difference to me to have a saturday to myself but to think 'well shall we go out for lunch? shall we go see a film?' it's just those spontaneous, unplanned good times that previously would involve copious amounts of planning, now they just happen. Also, I'm starting to look at people around me in a slightly different way, and perhaps understand a little better people's motivations for doing the things they do. The picture is getting clearer.

I have made a huge effort since dave came along to sort out things with my friends at the same rate as a used to so i don't get accused of what I used to accuse them of when they were first with their partners. but actually, i've found that it makes me more stressed than i should be to have to worry about that sort of thing. I haven't abandoned anyone, and nobody means any less to me. Some friends have changed their behaviour towards me which is sort of saddening, but i suppose i didn't understand their motivations in the first place.

right, am off to look at places to have lunch today.
i think i'm entitled to the first 'mushy' blog post since january.
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